What Can We Do To Help Our Children Develop Empathy And Healthy Self-Esteem?

I was thrilled to welcome Dr. Diane Levin back to my blogtalk radio show today. Dr. Levin, a professor of early childhood education at Wheelock College in Boston, has devoted much of her career over the last thirty years to studying how media affects the way kids develop. Her ninth and newest book, Remote Controlled Childhood: Teaching Young Children in the Media Age, addresses the alarming issues arising as our children spend ever-increasing amounts of time in front of a screen consuming various types of media.

“Screen time,” as Dr. Levin calls it, is on the rise. Even within the last 5 years, there has been a significant increase in the amount of time that very young children spend interfacing with technology—whether it be on an iPad, iPhone, computer, or television. According to Dr. Levin, too much screen time can hinder a child’s development. Many parents don’t mind their child consuming media as long as it is educational. They are thinking about the content of the media—and yes, that is a very important conversation, especially considering the increasing quantities of harmful content available to our kids. (A large portion of adolescent boys have viewed pornography, says Dr. Levin). But that is only half the story. Dr. Levin speaks to the vessel of the media itself. The use of technology and screens influences the way that kids think about themselves and the world around them in a profound way that many of us are not aware of. “Screen time” is time that our children spend inside someone else’s program, where they follow rules and solve problems that are already laid out for them instead of seeking out problems of their own to solve. They are, in this sense, remote controlled—hence the title of the book.

So what are the effects of a remote controlled childhood? Dr. Levin has coined a few terms to talk about the symptoms that early childhood educators and parents across the country are witnessing. One of these terms is “Problem-solving Deficit Disorder,” which refers to a child’s ability and desire to seek out their own problems to solve, which is an essential skill developed through early childhood play. For example, a child might try to build the tallest building she can, and then knock it down in a specific way. He might create a fort out of three blankets and two chairs. To share an anecdote about Dr. Levin’s son, he might want to figure out how to draw a certain object, and search his house for models to help him figure it out. These activities involve children coming up with their own, unique ideas, which is essential to their cognitive development. Unfortunately, kids are spending less and less time learning to control and interact with the world around them and more time passively consuming and then imitating programs.

Another very alarming trend that Dr. Levin has created a term to describe is CDD: Compassionate Deficit Disorder. The time that kids spend in front of a screen is time that they are not learning how to relate to others. Just as importantly, kids who are placed in front of a screen when they need to calm down learn to look to outside sources for emotional regulation instead of learning to soothe themselves. Educators are witnessing these deficits on a national level. Many schools have banned recess because all the kids do at is fight with one another. Teachers have stopped allowing free time in class because children complain that they don’t know what to do with themselves. These are new problems, and it is essential that we, as parents, become aware of them and learn strategies to address them.

Luckily, Dr. Levin has some great suggestions. The most important thing is to stay connected to your kids, so that you can maintain an open conversation about their media consumption. Really talk to them about this issue, and if you say “no” to a certain game or show, explain why, and hear their side as well. If they think you’ll just say no to everything, they are less likely to come to you with questions when they inevitably stumble upon something confusing or new, like porn, and you want to keep that channel as open as possible. One good way to stay connected is to set aside one hour a week to put away all screens and have family fun time. Maybe you can develop an interest together, or find fun, seasonal activities to do. If you need some ideas, Dr. Levin recommends truceteachers.org. And lastly, Dr. Levin reminds us to look at ourselves. How do we use technology? When, if ever, do we put our phone down and give our children undivided attention? Next time your i-phone buzzes when you are mid-sentence, be aware of where you direct your eyes. Because little eyes are watching.