Fairfield Selectman Remembered for Serving Others

Fairfield Selectman Ralph Ambry Bowley's family and friends paid tribute to his life of quiet service and guidance to others during an emotional service this morning in First Presbyterian Church of Fairfield.

Bowley, who died Saturday at the age of 66, never sought the spotlight for his accomplishments or for helping and sacrificing for others and always formed a personal connection with people he helped, friends and family members said.

The Rev. Edward F. Duffy, who presided over the service, said Bowley, an avid fan of the Philadelphia Phillies' baseball team, knew everyone by name at the Bridgeport Rescue Mission, where he volunteered a lot of his time. "Folk who came in the night to receive a meal, he would call them by name, and he also knew what baseball team they were rooting for," Duffy said.

Shannon Bowley, Ralph Bowley's daughter, said, "More than anything, he loved making personal relationships with those he served."

Shannon said she was surprised one day when her father seemed to take an interest in golf after she and her siblings had grown up. "Mom said he always loved it. He just stopped playing when we were younger," she recalled.

Carmen A. Tortora Jr., Bowley's neighbor, said his friendship with Bowley was based on mutual respect and sharing between their families. Tortora recalled how his children had woken him and his wife up early one morning to make them breakfast and that Tortora told them Bowley had invited them over for breakfast that day.

"Ralph greeted them at the door. He immediately realized he had been set up," Tortora said. "Not missing a beat, he immediately cooked all the kids a full breakfast as if he had planned just for them, and he never said a word."

Shannon Bowley said her father knew everyone in Fairfield and every street in town through his work as a real estate appraiser, but mentioned his connections only when Shannon first got her driver's license. Bowley, Shannon said, told her that he knew a lot of people in town and didn't want to hear that she was speeding.

After a month went by, Shannon was speeding and playing loud music on the Old Post Road one afternoon, and, when she got home, Bowley said to her, "What were you doing at the corner of Beach and Old Post Road today at 3 o'clock?"

"I found out he wasn't joking. I found out that day that my dad had eyes everywhere," Shannon said.

Shannon said she thought she was famous in her childhood because so many people knew her. "Little did I know it wasn't Shannon Bowley people were recognizing, it was Ralph Bowley's daughter, Shannon, people were recognizing," she said.

Shannon said she thought she was cool as a child because her father had keys to empty houses and used a gavel when he served as chairman of the town's Zoning Board of Appeals. She went to her father's zoning meetings, and, while she doesn't remember the topics that were discussed, she remembers the laughter that accompanied those meetings. "Laughter was something that always accompanied my father. He loved humor and he loved laughing," she said.

Bowley also loved to invite family and friends to his house and excelled as a cook at those get-togethers, a chicken dish being a particular standout, Shannon said. "I had friends who would wait for confirmation that that was on the menu before they would commit to coming," she said, adding she wasn't sure if they were joking.

But Bowley's joy in life also was accompanied by a strong work ethic and competitive streak. He rose through the ranks of the real estate field to become president of two appraisal companies, he coached his daughter's softball team to a championship and he had hiked 1,500 miles of the 2,100-mile Appalachian Trail. In politics, he won election to a seat on the three-member Board of Selectmen in 2007, after winning elections to the Zoning Board of Appeals in earlier years, and he contemplated running for first selectman in 2011 before he became ill.

"He loved the competitive nature of politics," Shannon said, adding that her father was honest and compassionate.

After the service, John Nelson, who ran for first selectman in 2007 with Bowley as his running mate, said Bowley was a rare politician in that he was liked and highly regarded by members of both political parties. "People are kind of, especially in politics, you can be divided, but Ralph was one of those few people universally liked and respected," Nelson said.

During the service, Thomas Boyle, Ralph Bowley's brother-in-law, said the length of time someone knew Bowley wasn't that important because they needed only a few months to realize they had met someone special. Bowley, Boyle said, was a man of few words, but the words he spoke had been carefully chosen.

When Boyle was contemplating accepting a job offer in New Jersey, which Boyle's wife didn't want him to accept, he sought advice from Ralph Bowley. Bowley didn't say he should or shouldn't accept the job, just that his wife, while very smart, didn't know everything.

To Boyle, that was Bowley's way of telling him that it was his decision to make and also an attempt to strengthen Boyle's confidence. Boyle said he accepted the job, but it didn't turn out well, adding that maybe his wife really did know everything.

After he came back to Fairfield, Boyle worked for Bowley and learned so much that he decided to form his own company, with Bowley's blessing.

Boyle said people could best pay tribute to Bowley by living their lives as he did. "Be honest. Be fair. Do the right thing. I think that's his lasting legacy, and I can't think of a better tribute than if we all try to be more like Ralph Bowley," he said.

Duffy said Bowley was "fully alive" in the old sense of the phrase because he lived for more than himself. "He was fully alive in the way that overcomes death," he said.

Bowley, who brought messy recyclable cans and bottles to a redemption center in his BMW so he could donate money to people who needed it, was also an "idea man" who suggested that First Presbyterian Church of Fairfield have a prayer breakfast on Good Friday.

The idea, Duffy said, ran counter to the thought that Good Friday was a somber day of personal reflection, but the prayer breakfast brought people together, he said. "His vision was prayer and outreach and inclusion of our friends from the Bridgeport Rescue Mission," Duffy said. "This past Friday, we had over 140 for the prayer breakfast, and it was one of Ralph's ideas. He took, I think, great joy in hearing about that."

Shannon Bowley said the poet Maya Angelou once said that people may forget what you say and what you do, but they always remember how you made them feel. "I think that's why we're all here - to honor a man who made us feel good and who made us happy," she said.

Toward the end of the service, a flag ceremony was conducted at the front of the church because Bowley had served in the U.S. Army as an artillery/survey officer from 1966 to 1969.