Coping With Your Family During the Holidays

Do you feel anxious when you think about getting together with your family over the holidays? I have.

The holidays are wonderful; warm and happy with gifts given and received and stressful. The stress can be the sheer amount of organizing you do to get ready; buying gifts, decorating the house and going to holiday events.

Or the stress is truly about past hurts and traumas within families. If there are deep, unresolved issues, family members don’t feel they can trust one another, causing further trauma and distance.

If you have undercurrents of pain and disconnect within your family, the holidays can be emotionally draining leading family members to feel misunderstood and alone.

Finding a way to repair the hurt and empathizing with one another other about the cause of emotional pain can be profoundly healing. Perhaps there is an opening to talk about your unresolved issues this season. Be sure to choose the time to talk to your family member wisely. I suggest a calm, private moment when you are sober, relaxed and focused.

First describe how you feel, you maybe angry but deep down, you are probably hurt by something your family member did. Get in touch with the hurt part and share that. Be sure not to blame the other, or tell him or her what to do differently. Simply stick to sharing your own feelings and what you are missing in your relationship.

By only talking about your emotions, you hopefully won’t put the other person on the defensive. They can better hear your side, empathize with the pain he or she caused, and apologize and promise to do better.

Repairing past hurts is a tricky and difficult process that is crucial to healthy family relationships. When we can take responsibility for hurting someone we love, or not showing up when we should have, we can repair and reconnect with our family members.

Healthy family relationships are about trust, the feeling of belonging, the feeling of being known and heard along with emotional safety and connection. All families have moments of disconnect and missed opportunities to support each other.

The holiday season can be a painful and lonely time even when around our families. If there is unresolved hurt and emotional pain, try to talk about and repair the issue.  Reconnecting, forgiveness, shared love and support are the best gifts we can all give and receive this season.

Learn more about me: www.TrevorCrow.com