Divorced Dads: An Open Letter

Most divorced dads here in Fairfield County, Conn., have their children for a couple of days a week max. A few divorced dads I have talked to have their kids 50 percent of the time. This is a good and growing trend that will keep the family better connected and healthier emotionally. Power to you 50 percent dads!

My blog today is really aimed at the majority of divorced dads who see their kids at most a couple of days a week or a couple of weekends a month.

It seems I have lately observed a few painful moments from afar where a divorced dad is out to dinner with his kids and everyone is clearly uncomfortable. The kids are quiet and the dad is awkward. Even from across the room, I feel the emotional distance and the problems at the table!

This is an open letter to all divorced dads: please make an effort. You are the one that needs to reach out, connect with your kids. Get to know each one. Separately. Spend time with your kids talking, walking, doing what they want to do.

If your child wants to do something you dislike doing, do it anyway. Make an effort and experience the activity from your child’s perspective. Find the joy in the moment and the joy in parenting your child. Every child wants to feel that their very existence is pleasurable to their parents.

Make it a priority to create closeness and connection with your kids. You will not go to your deathbed thinking you wished you had gone to one more work event; you will wish you had seen more swim meets and gone to more school conferences.

Being there for your child is the very best thing you can do with your time. Nothing is more important.

Find a way to connect. Your child needs you to know him/her. Your child needs to feel a strong bond, to feel that you have his/her back and that you care.

My guess is that you will get just as much out of your closer emotional connection as your child.

Trevor Crow, LMFT